photo by matt caplin
Oh the joys of Perfectionism – the lovely procrastination, the adorable negative self talk, and the oh-so-compassionate “all or nothing” mindset. How many times you ever heard someone say (or have said to yourself) things like…
“I’ll never get this right.” “Why bother, nothing works out anyway.” “I must be stupid; how else could I not be able to do this?” “I’m just not getting it!” (usually followed by the tossing aside of whatever instrument of creation or sports pursuit is in their hand) “This sucks!!!” (see previous parenthetical)
And that’s the actually TRYING part. How many times have you not even tried in the first place because you figured you weren’t talented enough, devoted enough, passionate enough, consistent enough, to see it through to the end and MAKE or DO or BE something that was good and true and perfect?
Those are the strong negative voices belonging to the “Myth of Perfectionism” and I don’t know about you, but I know I am guilty of ALL of them all many times over – maybe even again later today.
But before you start negative-self-talking about all THAT too I want to you know:
It’s NOT Your Fault.
You were taught it.
That’s right. And you know it’s true because when you really think back you remember (echoing male voice…) “in the time before…” The time when you just were YOU – playing, laughing, fairly fearless, maybe still diaper-pooping YOU. But by the time you learned 2 x 2 = 4 the Myth of Perfection had already been instilled within you. That’s a long time ago right? You would think that by this time in life you would be reeling in the utter happiness of perfectionism wouldn’t you?
Are you? (Probably not.)
And if not, then WHY not?
Ever stop to really consider that?
Maybe this idea of having to do everything the “right way” so you can “be perfect” is a myth. Maybe it’s even an outright LIE. A lie that is actually keeping you from your greatest joy, and your greatest success in all areas of your life – work, family, community, love, and creativity?
Call it whatever makes you feel more comfortable – myth or lie – because the truth is it probably wasn’t given to you maliciously, but rather, by “well meaning” people… probably the same people who said if you touch yourself you’ll go blind.
(Are you blind yet? Me either – though it hasn’t been for a lack of trying.)
Now I don’t know what your “thing” is that the Myth of Perfectionism is keeping you from – but I trust that you do. And if you aren’t sure then maybe grabbing a piece of paper and making a quick list would be a cool thing for you to do right now.
It is with something you want to make? Creating is hard. Creating under the Myth of Perfectionism is fertile soil for alcoholism and suicides.
What about losing weight or getting to the gym to get strong? Can you see how the Myth of Perfectionism with it’s negative self talk and “all or nothing” mentality might be getting in your way?
Oh and lets not forget about love and connection driving us to soothe the “Nothing works out anyway. No one really loves me” Myth of Perfectionism voice with ice cream, pasta and chips; dangerous sexual interactions; or walls of steel so strong the man of steel himself couldn’t bring them down.
Any of that sound vaguely familiar?
Well maybe it’s time to call that lying sucker of joy out on it’s BS and drop kick it’s perfectionism ass to the curb once and for all!
Maybe it’s time to say…
F*ck Perfect.
Give me real.
That’s right. F*ck perfect. Give me real.
Those 5 words have been the NO FAIL SOLUTION to stopping the suck dead in it’s tracks in my life – even in my darkest moments of self-doubting perfectionism. Maybe they can stop it for you too. Try it and see. Say it out loud. Be BOLD. And the next time you find yourself struggling with those insidious voices of Perfectionism SHOUT it out and FEEL the FREEDOM:
F*ck Perfect.
Give Me Real.
Give me something I can SINK MY TEETH INTO; something I can FEEEEL. I don’t want no stinking mechanical pencils and straight edge rulers – I want to fingerpaint my way into rainbows of color, twinkling stars, and smiling suns, baby!
I know, I know. Many of you are already seeing the negative (see how strong the learning has been!) and wondering – what happens when you’re fingerpainting and you run too many colors together and make mud instead of rainbows? Because you know it’s true that inevitably…
IF you ARE DOING something then SOMETIMES you will MESS IT UP. (Life Fact #6)
(Don’t like it? Tough sh*t.)
And when it happens that you make mud, well my dear, then you have a choice…
Choice 1) Succumb once again to the “Myth of Perfection” uttering something like “I suck! I am the worst fingerpainter ever!!!” – and then crumple up the paper in disgust.
or
Choice 2) Breathe in. Breathe out. And make that mud into something else. (Like a big muddy smiley face smiling back at you with mudpie brown hands of pride… or Bigfoot! Running through the trees. In the late fall. Brown, brown, embrace the brown!)
You choose for you. You can always choose something else later.
I believe that your imperfections are likely your greatest gifts – once you learn how to embrace them. It is a crime against humanity’s love and capacity for creation that we have been taught not only to toss our imperfections away but to believe they are the cause of all our failures. I think that’s bullshit.
I think our imperfections can actually guarantee our success.
Seriously.
But that’s going to have to be a whole other blog post…
Title: “Growing Your Personal Awesomeness by Embracing your Suckassness Instead.”
Think I’m kidding? (Not even close.)
F*ck perfect. Give me real.
